Living with ADHD

13th March 2025

13^th March 2025

Article by Hannah Fellerman

Hello and welcome back to the Ezelle blog.

I hope you are all doing well.

This article has been a long time in the making; I’m excited to finally share this with you!

I purposely kept everything in one place (instead of breaking it up into parts) for easy reference as a useful resource.

If you would like to contribute to our blog, please email us with the subject “guest writer” to info@ezelle.co with some detail about yourself and your writing experience (all experience levels welcome).

Take care and enjoy the article!

- Hannah

Navigating Life's Maze: Living with Late-Diagnosed ADHD in my 30’s as a Woman, Wife, and Mother

The moment I received my ADHD diagnosis at the age of 34 was a whirlwind of emotions – relief, clarity, and a touch of disbelief. In this blog post, I'll share my journey of living with ADHD, delving into memories of my struggles growing up and the impact on my life as a woman, wife, and mother.

ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterised by persistent patterns of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity that interfere with daily functioning or development (NHS). But it’s much more than just that. ADHD consists of an array of characteristics and symptoms, which fall across a wide spectrum. ADHD differs between each individual and there is also a difference between genders.

In recent years, there’s been growing awareness of how ADHD presents in females, therefore leading to more adult diagnoses. ADHD was long seen as primarily a male condition, leaving many girls undiagnosed due to subtler symptoms. With increased understanding, ADHD in women is now better recognised, leading to more accurate diagnoses and support.

Common Challenging Symptoms of ADHD include:

Attention Difficulties

Struggling to focus on tasks, especially those that are not stimulating
Easily distracted by external stimuli or internal thoughts
Forgetting details of conversations or instructions
Difficulty following through on tasks or completing project

Hyperactivity & Impulsivity

Restlessness, fidgeting, or an inability to sit still for long periods
Acting without thinking, leading to impulsive decisions
Interrupting conversations or finishing others' sentences
Struggling to wait for turns in conversations or activities
Executive Dysfunction (Difficulties with Organisation, Planning, and Self-Regulation)
Struggling to start or complete tasks (task initiation and completion)
Poor time management, often underestimating or overestimating how long tasks will take
Difficulty prioritising tasks, leading to procrastination or last-minute rushing
Frequently misplacing or losing important items like keys, wallets, or documents
Struggling with working memory, e.g.:
Forgetting what you were just doing or thinking before you say or write it down
Losing track of thoughts mid-sentence
Needing reminders for even familiar tasks

Emotional Regulation

Intense emotional reactions to small frustrations or changes
Mood swings and difficulty managing stress
Rejection sensitivity, feeling deeply hurt by perceived criticism
Difficulty calming down after emotional outbursts

Environmental & Routine-Based Challenges

Thriving in clean and tidy environments but struggling to maintain them
Enjoying structured routines but finding it hard to stay consistent
Difficulty keeping up with daily responsibilities, such as household chores
Feeling overwhelmed by clutter but unable to find the motivation to declutter

Although these symptoms can be constant struggles, there are many strategies and supports available to help manage them, allowing us to navigate daily life more effectively; even if they can't be fully cured.

ADHD has many positive traits that become strengths when properly understood and harnessed. Here are some common ones:

Creativity & Innovation

Highly imaginative and often think outside the box
Strong problem-solving skills with unique perspectives
Can make unexpected connections between ideas

Hyperfocus

When deeply interested in something, can focus intensely for long periods
Can be highly productive and achieve great results in areas of passion

Spontaneity & Enthusiasm

Energetic and full of enthusiasm, making them fun to be around
Open to new experiences and adaptable to change
Often bring excitement and fresh ideas to situations
Resilience & Determination
Used to overcoming challenges, leading to strong problem-solving skills
Often have a great ability to bounce back from setbacks

Strong Intuition & Emotional Sensitivity

Can be highly empathetic and deeply understand others' emotions
Often pick up on subtle social cues that others may miss

Multitasking & Quick Thinking

Can juggle multiple ideas or tasks at once
Often thrive in fast-paced environments

Sense of Humour & Charisma

Natural storytellers with a witty or entertaining way of communicating
Can have a magnetic personality that draws people in

Not everyone with ADHD experiences all of these traits, but many people with ADHD can relate to a lot of them and recognise them as part of their unique strengths.

Unravelling the Past: Childhood Memories

As I reflect on my childhood, certain memories now make sense in the context of ADHD. From struggling to focus in school to feeling like an outsider, these early experiences laid the foundation for my later realisation.

In school, I stood out in ways I didn’t yet understand. My school reports consistently noted my "potential" while highlighting my tendency to daydream and struggle with concentration. Though usually quiet in class, I occasionally showed unexpected abilities – once, my Year 2 teacher and mother were surprised by my unusually neat handwriting. This was likely an example of "hyper-focusing," a characteristic ADHD trait where intense, unpredictable bursts of concentration emerge during engaging tasks.

At the age of four or five, I often fell asleep in assemblies, prompting teachers to ask my mother about my sleep habits.

In the playground, I faced a distressing incident over the Spice Girls. When asked about my favourites, my innocent answer led to accusations of racism from a group of girls who cornered me against the fence. The situation worsened when my favourite teacher, Miss Bainbridge, rather than understanding my confusion, made an example of me in front of the class. She removed stickers from the classroom chart as punishment, leaving me in tears over an accusation I was too young to even comprehend.

At home, I discovered joy in singing with my sister, spending hours recording ourselves on cassette tapes in our safe space. This private passion became public when classmates at school overheard me singing to myself. Though I was painfully shy, they began demanding playground performances. I felt comfortable performing for a few close friends, but the incident described above, shattered my growing confidence completely. Unable to process this hurt, I retreated into silence, never sharing this experience with my parents.

At the after-school club, misunderstandings continued. During a cookie-making session, the supervisor, known for her harsh demeanour, instructed me to "hold the spoon and lick it." Having only caught half the instruction, I simply held the spoon, waiting patiently. When I returned it untouched, she erupted in anger, accusing me of spreading germs by licking it. Despite her not witnessing any such action, she refused to believe my truth. With no allies to support my version of events, I endured yet another undeserved punishment in silence.

As a child, I also engaged in stimming behaviours without realising it, such as stroking my eyebrow before bed to soothe myself. In adulthood, this transitioned into grinding my teeth, often while asleep or half-awake—another form of self-soothing linked to my neurodivergence.

The Hidden Struggle: Education Undiagnosed

My secondary school experience played out quite differently across two schools. At the first, I struggled with isolation – having just two close friends and facing regular bullying. The teachers seemed to have different standards for different students; in science class, students had been getting away with drawing on desks for a while, but the one time I copied someone, I got caught and had to stay after school to clean.

Even simple requests like toilet breaks turned into issues. Though I wasn’t disruptive like many peers who got detention for aggression or refusing to participate, I kept getting in trouble over minor misunderstandings.

I also experienced bullying, just like in Primary school, but some of the older kids from higher year groups would sometimes protect me.

Things took a turn at my second school when I found a close friendship that brought both joy and challenges. We were constant chatterboxes in class, always getting into mild trouble together. The teachers, probably seeing how much our friendship meant to us, were hesitant to separate us despite our endless conversations. While our academic work might not have hit that ever-mentioned "potential," we created some great memories together. Despite both of us getting bullied, we had each other for support. When she left and I entered 6^th form, I went into my shell initially, but gained a little more confidence in my small Sociology, English and Art classes, where I started to speak up a bit more and do a bit better with my work.

Just like in my first secondary school, I sometimes felt singled out compared to my peers. I remember a time in Maths class when my teacher reprimanded me for wearing nail polish and sent me to the toilets to remove it. Meanwhile, a few rows behind me, other girls sat with full faces of make-up and jewellery—both of which were against the uniform policy—but faced no consequences.

My academic performance was significantly impacted by exam anxiety. Despite thorough last-minute revision and late-night studying, I'd often draw blanks in the exam hall. While I could manage English exams through improvisation, subjects like Science and Maths proved challenging when my memory failed me. This led to straight C grades at GCSE, below my predicted grades, though I later achieved a surprising and satisfying B in A-level Sociology.

My first job experience came at 17, working weekends at a greetings card shop for five years. Though the work wasn't particularly engaging, I formed some good friendships with colleagues. My struggles with insomnia and overthinking often led to tardiness or sick days, yet I found unexpected satisfaction in certain organisational tasks where I could hyper-focus. Stock counting was especially challenging due to concentration issues, and handling cash transactions made me nervous. Nevertheless, management valued me, and I generally performed well despite these obstacles. My manager frequently questioned my constant fatigue, but I struggled to explain it – not understanding the root cause myself at the time.

The transition to Art College and University brought new challenges. While my creative abilities flourished, I battled with distractibility and isolation. I felt overlooked by teachers who rarely gave one-on-one feedback, and when they did, it felt more like criticism than constructive guidance.

My early twenties became a period of self-discovery and existential questioning. Though my final university grade (a 2:2, just five marks shy of a 2:1) initially disappointed me, it ultimately had little impact on my future path.

Throughout my life, I’ve often struggled with starting creative projects only to abandon them when the initial excitement fades. At 18, I tried a home-based fashion course but couldn't stay motivated. A few years later, around 22 or 23, I enrolled in an evening college course. The structure and support from my teacher helped me succeed. My first entrepreneurial attempt was selling handmade goods on Folksy. Although it was a naive venture, it provided valuable insights that guided later, more serious projects.

My hyper-focus often revolves around specific interests, like a three-year obsession with tiny houses or an ongoing love for DIY and room makeovers. During intense short-term hyper-focuses, I can be highly productive, sometimes running on little sleep and caffeine. However, I recognise this is unsustainable.

Invisible Struggles: The Adult Years

Entering adulthood with undiagnosed ADHD presented a unique set of challenges. The invisible nature of adult ADHD became apparent as I navigated through personal and professional spheres, often feeling like I was swimming against the current.

I used to say my brain had “too many tabs open”, a classic ADHD trait. As well as having many thoughts on the go, my brain piles on new tasks before I finish old ones, creating a cycle of urgency and paralysis. I have several never-ending to-do lists saved in my phone notes, and sometimes tasks sit there unfinished for more than a year. It feels nearly impossible to get around to them when my brain is also constantly generating new daily tasks that demand my attention.

In August 2022, four months after becoming a mother, I had an epiphany—I likely had undiagnosed ADHD my whole life. This understanding clarified many struggles, like difficulties with routines, demand avoidance, rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD), and maintaining friendships.

Before embracing Islam at 24, music and art were my main sources of solace. Since then, the consistency and calming effect of prayer have helped me stay grounded. The routine of prayer has somewhat improved my focus, and the fixed prayer times help me better plan my days, although I still struggled with ADHD before my diagnosis.

Maintaining friendships can be challenging, especially when I forget to follow up if a friend hasn’t reached out for a while—particularly if I was the last to initiate contact. The longer the silence, the harder it is to reconnect. I also sometimes forget to reply to messages, and by the time I remember, I feel too embarrassed to reach out. A recent post from one of my favourite YouTube podcast channels by Alex Partridge, described a similar experience, realising he'd only “replied mentally” to an email. This happens to me often with text messages and emails, sometimes leading to missed meet-ups, unconfirmed plans, or forgotten appointments. When it comes to friendships, those unaware of this ADHD symptom may feel ignored or forgotten, whereas those who understand ADHD; either because they have it themselves or are familiar with it, will hopefully be more understanding. I will explore this in more detail later in this article.

On the same post described above, I came across a comment by someone who asked if she was the only one who often starts sentences “mid-thought,” not realising she hadn’t initiated her story from the start. This is definitely a struggle of mine, sometimes causing major misunderstandings with loved ones and resulting in mutual frustration. It can leave me feeling misunderstood, and it often takes time for me to mentally overcome this feeling.

Additionally, I often feel overwhelmed and burnt out, needing solitude while still craving connection. Though I’m introverted, I can be outgoing with the right people and have previously described myself as an ‘ambivert.’ I experience what I call “social burnout,” where, after extensive socialising with family or friends, especially at large gatherings, I may need several days or even a week to recover mentally and physically.

Beyond social burnout, I also struggle with emotional regulation when faced with sudden disruptions to my plans. When unexpected changes happen, such as last-minute cancellations due to my own mishaps or external issues, I find it incredibly difficult to regulate my emotions in the moment. My mind fixates on the disruption, making it hard to shift gears, and I can feel intensely distressed for hours before I’m able to process what happened. If I’m already overwhelmed, I might unintentionally offload my emotions onto others, which can be challenging if they’re also under stress.

Lately, a friend has been guiding me with relationship tools I’ve been learning, combined with faith, to help me navigate these struggles more effectively. When I feel mistreated or frustrated by unexpected changes, I need to pause and remind myself that the other person may also be dealing with something difficult. At the same time, I remind myself that only God is in control, and His plan carries a wisdom beyond my understanding, one that I must learn to accept.

Moving forward, I hope to be less quick to offload my emotions and instead gather myself in the moment. As my friend suggested, I will start to implement the use of prayer beads in my pocket as a tangible reminder that I cannot control everything that happens, but I can control how I respond. Having this small yet meaningful tool with me will serve as a quiet prompt to breathe, refocus, and trust in God's greater plan.

Growing up, I was often told I was “too sensitive” and a “pushover.” At the time, I saw these as personal flaws, but now I understand that my sensitivity was partly due to sensory overload and burnout, as well as rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). The emotional intensity I experienced wasn’t a weakness, it was a real struggle that others simply didn’t see or understand.

Constant criticism and misunderstandings led me to become a people-pleaser, always trying to avoid conflict and seek approval. Now that I have a clearer understanding of myself, I’m working on breaking these patterns, setting healthier boundaries, and advocating for my own needs.

In addition to the more well-known symptoms of ADHD, I’ve noticed that my strong sense of justice can sometimes lead me to feel compelled to file formal complaints when I’ve been negatively impacted by a situation. While I don’t always get the chance to voice these concerns, I’ve found that writing an email or calling a complaints department often provides some level of satisfaction. Even if the response is inadequate or I don’t receive an apology, simply bringing the issue to their attention helps me feel like I’ve expressed my concerns and not let them go unaddressed. I believe this could be linked to my rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD)—if I feel mistreated, I don’t want to be seen as something I’m not. At times, it’s just about pointing out unprofessionalism or disrespect because it’s the right thing to do, and doing so allows me to regain a sense of control over the situation. Since getting my diagnosis, it makes so much more sense why I always used to react this way.

I’ve never been great at handling confrontational situations in the moment, but I usually manage the aftermath better once I’ve had time to reflect. Similarly, during difficult conversations where I feel personally attacked, my brain tends to freeze, and I become “flooded”—a term I came across when learning about Highly Sensitive People (HSP) years before my ADHD diagnosis. I’ve always found it easier to express myself in writing rather than speech, and even now, I feel my writing skills far outweigh my speaking skills. Writing gives me the time I need to think and organise my thoughts, which makes it much easier for me to communicate efficiently.

Friendship and ADHD: The Challenge of Staying Connected

ADHD doesn’t just affect work, family life, and daily tasks; it also deeply influences friendships. Maintaining long-term friendships can be difficult when ADHD interferes with memory, time perception, and emotional regulation. While I crave connection, I often struggle with consistency, unintentionally allowing friendships to fade until guilt and self-doubt take over.

As mentioned earlier, if I don’t hear from a friend for months, especially if I was the last to message, I tend to forget. When I finally remember, I start thinking they must not care, making it awkward to reach out. I put it off until guilt sets in, at which point I either message them or they reach out first, but the guilt lingers and I end up apologising. If I’m the one to initiate contact after a long time, I wonder whether they ever would have messaged me if I hadn’t. Reconnecting removes that uncertainty, but the overthinking is exhausting. Even with a better understanding of ADHD, I still struggle to change this mindset. I’m working on thinking more positively about people, hoping it will eventually ease these worries and guilt when I forget to stay in touch.

This mostly happens with friends I’ve made in adulthood, rather than those from childhood. I could go a year without speaking to a childhood friend and reconnect as if no time had passed, but with friends made later in life, it feels completely different. Unless they’re part of a friendship group where everyone takes turns checking in on each other, I find it difficult to maintain contact if the conversation suddenly stops.

ADHD affects friendships in many ways, not just in maintaining communication but also in managing social expectations. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) can make even small social missteps feel devastating, causing me to overanalyse conversations or withdraw out of fear of being a burden. The cycle of avoidance, guilt, and longing for connection becomes exhausting.

Understanding my ADHD has helped me reframe these challenges, but it hasn’t made them disappear. I’ve started using reminders to prompt me to check in with friends, but consistency is still a struggle. Some friendships naturally fade, while others pick up where they left off, and I’m learning to accept that. I haven’t shared my diagnosis with everyone, so I don’t always know how people interpret my silence. I just hope they understand that even if I’m not always present, I still care.

The Juggling Act: ADHD, Marriage, and Motherhood

ADHD affects not only the individual but also influences relationships and family dynamics. I'll share my experiences with the impact on marriage and the delicate balance required as a mother with ADHD, juggling multiple responsibilities.

RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) makes perceived criticism feel crushing, and I often replay interactions, fearing I’ve been misunderstood. For example, when living with my sister, I once overthought a casual encounter with a neighbour and felt compelled to clarify myself to avoid judgement.

After 10 years in retail, I transitioned to an office job I enjoyed, but time management issues and work demands soon became apparent. Despite my best efforts, I left the role due to the pressures of balancing work, health, and personal responsibilities. I then became a full-time carer for my chronically ill sister before getting married. During this time, I explored business ventures that offered more flexibility than a 9-5. I also took on short freelance jobs for friends, but balancing these with care-giving and friendships was difficult. Staying consistent with the gym was a struggle, managing only once a week at best.

When my spouse and I got married, neither of us knew I had ADHD. At the time, I only identified as "highly sensitive," but my spouse quickly noticed certain traits; like poor money and task management, inconsistency with house chores, hyper-focusing on work one day and being exhausted the next—without fully understanding their cause. This lack of awareness on both sides led to confusion and frustration. However, since my diagnosis, both of us have gained a deeper understanding, which has improved our relationship.

I often made impulsive decisions in the moment; driven by excitement, the need for dopamine, or the belief that I was solving a problem, without fully considering the consequences. At times, these impulsive actions led to undesirable outcomes or created new problems that needed to be solved.

Since my diagnosis, I’ve become more aware of this tendency and have somewhat been able to reduce my impulsivity. I now pause more before acting, evaluating whether I can wait or modify my approach instead. This shift has helped minimise situations that require 'fixing' and has contributed to a calmer, more peaceful environment.

A year into marriage, the pandemic hit, and I took on a zero-hour contract job in customer service working from home. I struggled for a year until I discovered freelance writing, which better suited my needs. Since then, I’ve focused on self-employment, allowing me to manage my health, balance motherhood, and pursue creative passions.

In my mid-to-late twenties, I discovered a love for poetry, though I kept it to myself. During the pandemic, I began painting as a hobby, which became an occasional outlet for self-care. Both poetry writing and painting have helped me process emotions and stay connected to my creativity, though it’s mainly painting that I continue to explore when the mood strikes.

Now, expecting my second child, motherhood is my primary focus, though I’m eager to rekindle hobbies and creative pursuits. ADHD doesn’t prevent me from succeeding, but it does make the journey more challenging. Many creatives with ADHD thrive due to their unique perspectives, and this gives me hope.

I still struggle to balance my daily responsibilities with my creative pursuits and social life, but I'm beginning to remind myself that part of my self-care involves nurturing my career, hobbies, and interests. If I don't make time for these things, my identity will be limited to just 'wife and mother,' rather than encompassing all the other aspects of who I am.

Discovering ADHD: The Diagnostic Journey

Diagnosis was both daunting and freeing. I'll recount the process of seeking professional help, the hurdles faced, and the emotional roller-coaster of realising that ADHD was the missing piece of the puzzle.

I often forget things in the middle of tasks or while relaxing. Pregnancy and the post-partum period heightened my forgetfulness, which was the catalyst for seeking an ADHD diagnosis. Four months after having my son, I realised something was wrong after mistakenly inputting the wrong address for a clinic appointment on my Uber app. This heightened memory loss during my current pregnancy has made me more mentally prepared for similar challenges in the post-partum period. After my first pregnancy, recovering from a C-section, the severe lack of sleep only worsened my forgetfulness.

I decided to seek a diagnosis after googling "constantly making careless mistakes" and discovering what ADHD looked like in women. I related to most of the symptoms, so I went to my GP, who referred me to a Mental Health Nurse.

After submitting forms with input from my spouse and mother, I faced a year-long wait for assessment. The Mental Health Nurse told me, "You tick all the boxes," but I had to be patient.

While waiting, I joined a support group on Facebook for women with ADHD and discovered the Right to Choose pathway, which could speed up the diagnosis. I followed the necessary steps, but my GP lost the referral. Even my initial NHS referral went missing. After months of chasing, I was finally given an official referral.

From my first GP appointment to my diagnosis, it took a year and three months. My assessment with a Specialist Psychiatrist involved a series of questions about my life and struggles. He said I likely fell into the combined ADHD category but wasn’t sure where I fit on the spectrum, so he gave me a general ADHD diagnosis.

He suspected I was on the autistic spectrum as well, but saw no need for an assessment. He noted that I had “masked” well growing up and throughout adulthood and said, "You don’t seem bad enough for medication."

Although I wasn’t set on taking medication, I disagreed with his assessment of my struggles. On the surface, I might have seemed fine, but in reality, ADHD was affecting every aspect of my life.

The journey was deeply emotional—from the relief and frustration of recognising myself in ADHD symptoms to connecting with women in the Facebook group and learning from advocates and specialists online. Each step, from discovery to diagnosis, brought a mix of emotions. I started feeling helpless and lost, but now, with understanding, I feel better equipped to manage my struggles.

Mechanisms and Strategies

Before the diagnosis, I developed coping mechanisms to navigate daily life. Post-diagnosis, I discovered new strategies that proved effective in managing ADHD symptoms, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Masking in ADHD is a coping mechanism where individuals consciously or unconsciously hide their symptoms to fit societal expectations. This often involves mimicking neurotypical behaviours, suppressing impulsivity, or overcompensating for difficulties with focus and organisation. Many people with ADHD develop masking strategies from a young age, especially in structured environments like school or work, to avoid criticism or stand out. While masking can help with social acceptance, it is mentally exhausting and can delay diagnosis, as struggles remain hidden. It’s often only after seeking a diagnosis that individuals recognise how much effort they’ve put into masking and begin to unlearn these habits in favour of more sustainable coping strategies.

I used to think I was subconsciously mimicking people's behaviours and ways of speaking to fit different environments and social groups. It felt like I was constantly adapting without realising it, almost as if I had different versions of myself for different situations. Now, I understand that this was most likely masking—a way to blend in and compensate for my ADHD traits. Since my diagnosis, I still find myself struggling with it at times, but not nearly as much as before. In the past, it sometimes felt like my whole personality had changed without me wanting it to, but now I’m learning to recognise and break those patterns.

Public speaking was hard, but an entrepreneurial course after university boosted my confidence. While I rarely need to give formal presentations, the skills I developed have improved my overall ability to communicate, especially when speaking with people I don’t know.

Cooking presents several challenges for me, from forgetting an important ingredient to accidentally leaving the stove on. Sometimes, I can salvage a dish, but other times, I have to start all over again. I also occasionally burn food when I get distracted. These mishaps can be frustrating, but I try to remind myself that they’re part of how my brain works rather than a personal failing.

Laundry has been another ongoing struggle. I used to constantly leave clothes in the washing machine and forget to take them out, often having to rewash them. However, I’ve improved in this area by keeping up with a regular laundry routine. That said, putting clean clothes away can still take me days, and at times, the laundry piles up faster than I can manage. Even when I’ve managed to get to the bottom of the wash basket, it never seems to last long.

Cleaning and tidying are also difficult to keep up with. I rarely have the time or energy to deep clean, so I often end up only doing surface-level cleaning. Tidying, in particular, can be overwhelming; if I don’t have the mental or physical energy, I sometimes let a room become messy. However, when my surroundings are chaotic, my anxiety worsens, making it even harder to focus. This means I sometimes have to push myself to be extra organised just to prevent my environment from adding to my stress.

This struggle isn’t new for me. As a teenager, I dealt with hoarding, and my room was full of clutter. Before learning about ADHD or neurodivergency, I came across ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying’ by Marie Kondo, which helped me declutter and become more organised. While I never returned to that level of hoarding, I still find it difficult to maintain a consistently tidy environment.

I often need to put in a lot of mental effort to keep up with my self-care routines, including skincare, regular showers, hair care, and taking my vitamins and supplements. If I miss a day, it can take me a while to get back on track. However, I’ve been improving lately by re-framing these habits in my mind as essential to feeling and functioning at my best in my daily life.

Even with a calendar to track appointments, I occasionally misread the time and end up arriving late, thinking I’ve left on time. Last year, for example, I misread 13:45 as 14:45 for an entire week leading up to the appointment. I only realised my mistake on the way there after re-reading a reminder text, which meant I arrived 30 minutes late. Thankfully, when I explained over the phone that I have ADHD, they were understanding and still fit me in.

Being open about ADHD has helped me get better support, especially with professionals. For example, when given detailed instructions, I make a point to let people know I may need things broken down or repeated. Most of the time, I’m met with warmth and patience, though I have encountered occasional rudeness or impatience. On the suggestion of my sister-in-law, I also got a sunflower lanyard to discreetly indicate my hidden ‘disability’. At first, I wore it everywhere, but now I mostly wear it for long journeys, particularly outside of London, where unexpected situations are more likely to arise.

If I don’t write things down immediately, they vanish. If I can’t write it down, there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll remember it later. Similarly, I frequently forget points I want to make during conversations, as my brain moves at lightning speed with all the thoughts I want to express. I have however learned to accept this about myself and remind myself that it’s not the end of the world if I don’t always get to say what I thought of in a conversation.

Distracting thoughts reduce my concentration on things like videos, TV, and books. I often have to rewind to fully take in everything or re-read pages and rewind audiobooks if I miss important details.

Seeking therapy has been invaluable in managing daily struggles. After finding NHS CBT and counselling unhelpful, I sought a private therapist who specialises in various counselling methods and ADHD. Her approach has helped me better understand myself, shift perspectives, and find practical solutions. Sharing my faith in Islam adds another layer of relatability, and knowing she has ADHD herself gave me even more confidence in her ability to support me.

Other strategies I have and am currently exploring:

Natural supplements – Supports nutrient intake and improves sleep.
Journaling & gratitude journaling – Clears the mind and fosters positivity.
Meditation & deep breathing – Reduces anxiety and aids sleep.
Walks outside – Boosts mood, brain function, and vitamin D levels.
Reducing refined sugar & processed foods – Supports brain and gut health.
Tracking water intake – Ensures proper hydration for body and brain function.
Deepening faith & learning – Provides perspective, hope, and encouragement.
Focusing on self-care – Helping to fill your own cup before being able to serve others
Setting boundaries – Protecting time, energy, and mental health.
Hiring cleaners when possible for deep cleaning – Reduces guilt and conserves energy.
Learning new relationship skills based on psychology combined with core faith-based concepts from Islam – Helps navigate relationships with more patience, empathy, and self-awareness while improving communication and emotional regulation through faith and psychology
Using Google accessibility tools on mobile phone:
- Magnifying tool
- Dimming tool for nighttime
- Reader to read out loud long or tedious text

Co-morbidities of ADHD

ADHD often overlaps with anxiety, depression, and learning disabilities. Physically, individuals with ADHD may experience food sensitivities, where certain foods trigger symptoms, as well as auditory issues like tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and hyperacusis (heightened sensitivity to sound). These auditory problems can make it harder to focus or navigate noisy environments, further complicating the experience of living with ADHD.

As a child, I had a strong aversion to cucumbers and fresh coriander, which still make me feel nauseated to this day. I also had food sensitivities, particularly to bananas, dairy, and beef, which caused physical reactions such as stomach pains (bananas and beef) and migraines (dairy). I eventually outgrew my banana intolerance in my early 20s, and the dairy and beef sensitivities by my early 30s. Thankfully, these are no longer an issue for me. In 2021, I was diagnosed with a mild form of IBD, but it has been in remission since 2023.

I’ve experienced tinnitus since around the age of 18, possibly from attending concerts without proper ear protection. To manage the constant ringing, I need background noise when sleeping—such as white noise, which helps mask the tinnitus by about 90%. As a teenager, I often slept with a fan running for this reason. I also suspect I’ve had hyperacusis since childhood, where even quiet sounds, like someone speaking, can trigger an uncomfortable vibration in my eardrums. Along with this, I’ve struggled with auditory processing; I recall a time in a noisy shopping centre when I couldn’t hear a person speaking to me at all because I was too focused on the background noise. As an adult, I occasionally experience this issue; for example, when my spouse calls for me, sometimes I only process the sounds directly in front of me, like running water, a boiling kettle, or a video on my phone. Despite normal hearing tests, I struggle with auditory processing.

I've always been sensitive to strong artificial smells like perfumes and scented candles, often developing a migraine within 30 seconds of exposure. Prolonged central heating, whether I'm awake or asleep, also triggers headaches.

Since childhood, my eyes have been sensitive to sunlight. I remember waiting at the school gates in the mornings, my eyes constantly watering as the sun shone directly into them. Other students would ask if I was crying, but it was just the brightness. Though my sensitivity has lessened, I still squint on slightly sunny days and find artificial light harsh. At night, I prefer using a floor lamp, as overhead lighting feels too intense for my eyes and brain.

I also suspect mild dyslexia, as I’ve had certain words throughout my life that I’ve consistently read or pronounced incorrectly. I only realised the correct pronunciation after hearing it by chance, and once I heard the right way to say them, I would notice the correct spelling.

These issues described have never been formally diagnosed, except for the IBD.

I've battled insomnia and chronic fatigue for most of my life due to my overactive brain and racing thoughts, making me a light sleeper prone to frequent wake-ups. Creative ideas or the urge to look something up often keep me up or pull me into late-night rabbit holes. Falling asleep can take over an hour, and while I rely on low-volume podcasts or sleep stories, I’m sensitive to noise. My partner’s snoring, my bathroom trips, and for the last three years my child’s wake-ups have worsened my fatigue. I once suspected chronic fatigue syndrome, but I’ve realised ADHD drains my mental energy, leading to poor sleep. Without afternoon naps, I get migraines, body aches, and brain fog. Caffeine helps, but only in the mornings—any later, and I won’t sleep at all.

I’ve always felt like I’m running on 50-70% energy, and just a couple of demanding tasks in the morning leave me drained before lunchtime. Afternoon naps help me function for evening tasks; otherwise, I crash completely. Though I used to hate mornings, I now enjoy early starts for productivity, even if exhausted, but I don’t feel guilty when extra rest is needed. My creativity peaks at night, making it even harder to fall asleep.

Poor sleep likely worsens the short-term memory issues that many people with ADHD already experience (it would be interesting to see if any studies support this). Additionally, traditional 9-5 jobs or corporate environments often fail to provide enough space for creative expression. While that’s a separate issue, it’s worth noting that these jobs also contribute to a lack of rest, further exacerbating ADHD-related challenges.

After five years in my first-ever retail job, which was a calmer environment, I moved to a fast-paced retail role, where I worked for another five years before transitioning to a quieter office job at 26. While the office environment was less chaotic, I struggled immensely with the early mornings, often finding it difficult to get out of bed and feeling constantly fatigued at my desk. Eventually, I had to leave to care for my sister.

Despite the early starts being a challenge, I found the mental demands of an office job easier to handle than the physical and mental strain of fast-paced retail. However, I soon realised that a traditional 9–5; whether in retail or an office, was not suited to my needs. The pressures of deadlines, targets, strict schedules, and overstimulation from bright lights, music, and constant conversations made work overwhelming. In hindsight, it all makes sense, but at the time, I couldn’t understand why I struggled so much.

Switching to working from home seven years ago really helped reduce the over-stimulation and physical and mental exhaustion.

Lastly, my sensory issues make sleep difficult unless my ankles are covered by my pyjama bottoms. I no longer need socks, but exposed ankles or itchy clothing, like some thermal leggings, irritate me, requiring a fabric change before I can sleep.

Breaking the Stigma: ADHD Awareness

Addressing the stigma surrounding ADHD is crucial. The importance of open conversations about mental health, aims to dismantle stereotypes and foster a more supportive community.

Just a few great resources I have discovered along the way are:

1. Stuff That Works – ADHD Adult research community

2. Facebook – Women with ADHD UK support group

3. YouTube channels and Videos-

ADHD Chatter Podcast – Podcast series talking about important issues within the ADHD and Neurodivergent community.
ADHD Love – Useful tips and motivational podcast for ADHD couples
Morgan Foley – Autism and ADHD Awareness content
How-To ADHD – Short educational videos on ADHD
TRYING (2021) | ADHD Short Film | Sam Labrecque
ADHD Simulator - What It Feels Like To Have ADHD

YouTube has a wealth of ADHD content, too much to list here, but I hope the above provides a good starting point.

4. Books which might be useful -

For Women:

A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD: Embrace Neurodiversity, Live Boldly, and Break Through Barriers by Sari Solden and Michelle Frank.
Women with Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden.
Women with Adult ADHD: An Unconventional Guide to Breaking Through Barriers! Learn Essential Life Skills from Theory to Practice to Deal with ADHD and Stop Feeling Like a Failure by Rose Hoskins.

For Couples:

The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD by Melissa Orlov and Nancie Kohlenberger
The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps by Melissa Orlov
Loving Someone with Attention Deficit Disorder by Susan Tschudi
A Complicated Romance: ADHD In Marriage and Its Impact on Relationships by L. William Ross-Child M.C.

Connecting with Others: Finding Support

Sharing experiences with others who were also late-diagnosed with ADHD has been a source of comfort and validation. Finding people who truly understand the daily struggles whether through support groups, therapy, and building a network of like-minded friends and family has made a huge difference.

I’ve connected with friends who have ADHD, and even my mother was recently diagnosed, which has given us both a new perspective on our shared experiences. Understanding that I’m not alone in my challenges has been empowering, and having a support system that offers advice, encouragement, and empathy has made navigating ADHD feel far less isolating.

Conclusion

As I reflect on this journey of living with late-diagnosed ADHD, I recognise the profound impact on my personal growth. My hope is that, in sharing my story, more women will be diagnosed early, and there will be a broader understanding of adult ADHD in our communities.

Before my ADHD diagnosis, I faced daily struggles such as impulsive spending, forgetting tasks, burning food by leaving the cooker on, and difficulty with directions. I often misread times or dates, was either late or too early for appointments, and had trouble following through with tasks unless I wrote them down. Additionally, I would ruminate on negative thoughts, which caused self-doubt and made it hard to move forward.

Since my diagnosis, greater self-awareness and counselling have helped me address these challenges. Tools like calendars, reminders, and breaking tasks into smaller steps have made a real difference. Nothing has completely disappeared, so I still struggle but awareness helps me to reduce the severity of the struggle. For example, I still make the occasional impulsive purchase and tend to ignore notifications on my phone when they become overwhelming as well as once in a while not making appointments on time, but it’s nowhere near as bad as it was before I was aware of my ADHD.

I’m also more mindful of my tendency to interrupt in conversations and have developed strategies to pause and listen. One unexpected benefit of my diagnosis was that my mother, recognising many of the same traits in herself, also sought and eventually got an ADHD diagnosis. This shared experience has helped her understand herself better, and it’s brought us closer, allowing us to relate to and support each other in new ways. While not all challenges have been completely resolved, understanding ADHD has given us both the tools to approach life with more compassion, patience, and effective strategies.

I may have forgotten some points (classic ADHD), but I hope this article offers insight into my journey. While ADHD manifests differently for everyone, if my story resonates with you, I encourage you not to hesitate in seeking a diagnosis.

Wishing you all the best on your journey of self-discovery.

One phrase that has always stuck with me comes from one of my favorite ADHD podcasters: "You're not broken, just different." (ADHD Chatter).

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All photograph based images used in this article are Royalty Free.